Mad Cow Takes No Bull!

Mad cow disease is a killer. When cows get mad all society suffers. As the commercial says 'happy cows make good cheese'. That's right, you know. And good burgers too. Anyway, if cows are bullied all the time, they get mad. That's very understandable. No one likes to be bullied.
Well, this particular herd in Colorado had enough. They decided to send for help, so they called in the Exterminator...MAD COW! The Mad Cowboy that is.
When Mad Cow arrived he was astounded by what he saw.The town was full of bull. Everywhere he looked. It was more than Mad Cow could stand. (He didn't get the name Mad Cow for nothing.) "They called me in to clean up this place and that is what I'm going to do." Mad Cow looked them right in the eye and stated emphatically, "You're full of it!" Then he shrieked, "I'll run them out or turn them into fine leather jackets and luscious steaks." Well, that was all the bulls needed to hear. It sent shivers right down to their hooves. They decided to protect their hides and get their butts out of town. "There'll be none of that bull around here," Mad Cow proclaimed. Finally, this troubled, unhappy herd could calm down, make more cheese and chocolate milk, knowing that there is only one Mad Cow and he takes no bull.

Mad Cow T-shirts in different styles and colors are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

The Foul Mouthed Cow:
Pour me another one, Sam.

So I talk a little too much. So I let a few expletives slip. So I had a little too much too drink. So sue me. I've got things on my mind. Like that darn milk man. Thinks he can get whatever he wants out of me. Thinks he can have his way with me. He thinks he's such a charmer, with those strong masculine hands. Well I'm not that kind of cow. I have feelings too. So here I sit, late in the afternoon drowning my sorrows at this hole in the ground milk bar, smoking a fine cigar. He keeps taking it out so I'll keep pouring it back in. What does he care? Is he thinking about me? No. He's got plenty of other cows to squeeze. Does he show any appreciation? Any gifts? A few bucks on the table would be nice. I'm lucky if I get a pat on the fanny. No, he knows he can get it whenever he wants it. So here I sit. "Pour me another one Sam, make it a double, chocolate this time."

Foul Mouthed Cow T-shirts in different styles and colors are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

The Saga of Qu Pidditsky

Once upon a time in a land far away, a child was born with a troublesome deformity, at least as far as his community was concerned. He had wings coming out of his shoulder blades. Now, anyone would agree, that they could provide great transportation, even better than mass transit, with virtually no carbon footprint at all. But future personal relationships would probably prove difficult. His father was somewhat embarrassed and so he had little to do with him. He gave him lots of toys, just so he would stay busy and leave him alone. One birthday he gave him an archery set. Unbeknownst to his father, it was a magical archery set. But, no one knew.
As he grew, Qu Pidditsky, proved to be an amazing shot. He entered tons of contests and won every one without fail. He brought great celebrity to his small European home town of Wholindagron. It even changed its name to Pidditskyville. He made headline after headline. People came from all over to see how far he could shoot without missing. And no one ever knew of his deformity. He just wore a lot of baggy clothes, and since he was never involved with a woman there were no leaked rumors about them. Some thought he was gay, but no, he just had a big secret to keep. After all, wings could be a big turnoff.
One day, while appearing in a nearby town for a competition, there was a bank robbery. Two masked men came rushing out of the bank with all of the bank's loot. And three cops were chasing after them. Although Qu was startled, he quickly gained composure and took one of his magic arrows and aimed it at the robbers. Unfortunately, for the very first time in Qu's life, he missed his target, and he shot one of the cops in the ass. The cop exploded with anger (well who could blame him), and turned and chased Qu. The other cops, feeling sympathy for their compadre, took off after Qu as well. Qu was simply terrified. He had never gotten this reaction from his work before, but then, he never actually shot anyone in the ass before either. He turned and flew like a bat out of hell. He ran out of the town, into the woods, over a river, down a ravine, passed grandma's house, and into a vacated bear cave, and hid there for a month. Qu had always been warmly received, but not anymore. The town rallied behind, the behind of the cop. He was a founder of the community after all. The news spread like gangrene and Qu could never show his face anywhere, ever again. But unfortunately for the cop, he had a pain in the butt for the next year and this made him way too cranky; he lost his job, his wife divorced him (she never liked him much anyway and saw this as a good opportunity to split), and his children used him as the butt of all their jokes. As you can imagine, the cop didn't think much of Qu's magical arrows, but his wife sure did.
On a better note, it was very different for the two crooks that got away. They split the loot, and went their separate ways. Raphael fell madly in love with a beautiful girl from France that really loved chocolate. They were married and opened a chocolate factory and store. They make the best chocolate in all of France. People come from all over the world for their chocolate. They even rival Switzerland. They have been happily married for 10 years and have three kids (in honor of the three cops that gave up chasing them). Their kids love their parents (imagine), and they love chocolate too. Raphael and his family have had a charmed life and they are now pillars of their community.
Silvio did just as well. Besides meeting the girl of his dreams, they opened a lingerie company and it is their company that actually supplies the other big name companies worldwide with clothing for extraordinary love making. (You would recognize the names of these companies but for legal reasons we can't print them here.)
While Silvio and Raphael know for a fact that Qu's bow and arrows are magical, Qu has basically become a recluse and an outcast. He had to have a nose job and grew a beard so no one would recognize him. He still wears baggy clothes since he is too broke to have his wings removed. And he had to change his name, in case someone might remember what he had done on that fateful day. In his new home town no one really knows much about Qu Pidd. He just showed up one day, and he looked a wreck. Where did he come from? Is he a criminal? Will he harm us? What is he keeping locked in the shed in the back yard? And why does the back of his coat move on its own from time to time? All in all, they just think he is a bit odd. He doesn't talk much and he seems to have no skills. They will never know about his magic arrows. They will never know that when he shoots his arrows magical things happen. They could ask Raphael and Silvio, but they've never heard of them, and exposure to public scrutiny would send them to jail anyway. But ever since that terrible day there have been the wildest stories going around France about a flying guy with a bow and arrow, that has the ability to make people fall in love. You know how rumors get started. It's like the telephone game. Imagine, a flying guy! Ha, oh boy, those French folks sure are funny. What will they think of next?
It's all very sad, but there is an important moral to the story to learn...you just can't go around shooting people in the ass...you never know how they will react.

Cupid T-shirts in different styles and colors are available at both The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts and Crazy-Land T-Shirts.

Shop early for Christmas gifts. Funny cow t-shirts and Cupid t-shirts make fun gifts.