The Idiots Defense Fund

Are you an idiot? Have people told you this? While, it truly is a very rude thing to say to someone, there comes a time when we simply have to admit the hard cold facts. You can do it...say this with me...I am an idiot.
While that probably won't make you feel any better about yourself, there is good news.The Idiots Defense Fund has been created for people just like you...idiots. That's right. The Idiots Defense Fund has been helping idiots just like you for over 35 years. What? You say you've never heard of it? But we have already established that you're an idiot, so there has probably been a lot of stuff that you have not heard of. Why, we could list in short order, a dozen idiotic actions of our government alone, just to show you that a lot has slipped past you. But because you're an idiot, we don't want to rub your nose in it. We're here to help you.
The stigma of idiocy has ruined many families. It has caused some families to hide members of their own families in the attic, never to be seen publicly again. (And we must admit, down deep inside, we wish more families followed this unusual practice. But it is illegal.) Idiocy has kept many economic advancements off limits to those afflicted with this horrid condition. And of course, by some strange turn of events, some people find themselves in a high level office, only to have it exposed at an untimely time, that they too are flaming idiots. Now imagine, that you find yourself by happenstance, the head of a country, or a Senator or Representative, only to learn at a later date, that you simply have no idea of what you are doing, or how you got there. (Oh, that's right, you got me. We've had so many of this type of example, that it has nothing to do with the imagination. It is our reality.) What's a country to do? Shoot them? You can't do that. They would just put you in jail with another idiot anyway.
Idiots tend to create their own reality. You know how it is. Before anyone actually figures out that someone's an idiot, he's gone and started a world war, you know, like Hitler. We've all seen the old film clips of him, he was a super-duper flaming numbskull (that's the highest level of idiocy). It's really amazing that anyone fell for his nonsense. See, idiots have more power that one would think off the cuff.
In recent years we've all seen what idiots can do when they are at the helm of corporations. It seems that sometimes, the boards of the corporations actually seek out an idiot to run the place. And they do, you know...run the place...right into the ground that is. But what do I know. Maybe I'm too harsh.
Anyway, how would you know if you were surrounded by idiots or not...or if the idiot is you? Well, that's where the The Idiots Defense Fund comes in. The I.D.F. has been involved in many clinical studies to find out:
1-Is idiocy is a condition from conception or did something go wrong on the way out? Or is it a learned condition? Can it be unlearned? Maybe it's an allergy, like hives. Maybe there is an idiot gene. You can see that we've lost a lot of sleep over this one.
2-Is it curable?
3-What are the warning signs, if any? It's not like an associate comes up to you and says, "Hey, I've caught idiocy, what should I take for it?"
4-Can people be idiots and still be productive citizens? Are productive idiots the same as necessary idiots? There really is a lot of research left to do.
5-Is it a preference? A choice? Of course, someone would have to be an idiot to chose it.
6-How do family members cope? Are there new skills to learn that would replace the tried and true, ever popular neck wringing?
So, you can see that they really need you help today. Today, there seems to be an epidemic of this dreaded condition. Time is of the essence since there is an election coming. Please consider supporting The Idiots Defense Fund,you never know when you'll be their next client.

The Idiots Defense Fund T-shirts are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

The National Bums Club of America

Let's face it, who doesn't want to be a bum.
Bums have all of the power and who doesn't want power? Right? Right.
We all want power. Of course, the down side is that sometimes there is a call to throw all the bums out, but generally speaking, this never happens. So despite their periodic bad reputation, everyone wants to be a bum.
Let's look at the facts. One minute you could be a struggling attorney suing the pants off of a real or fabricated enemy, or, teaching other struggling-soon-to-be-attorneys, how all of the pants in the world should belong to them. Then by happenstance, you find yourself to be a bum. Now, the same people that lost their pants to you and don't particularly like running around with their fannies exposed for all the world to see, pay you to continue to take them to the cleaners. They have plenty of reasons to want to dispose of you, but the fact of the matter is, you are now a bum. Bums bring out the strangest behavior in their constituents. Bums tell their bottomless constituents how they will fight for them now, since they have no pants. This is always well received. But let's face it, if you are standing around, basically flashing the world, you would receive anything well, even if it's from the very bum that took your pants in the first place.
Yes sir. "We're the bums of America and we're on your side," they tell us. "Yay!" We love it. See, they care about us. They like us, they really, really like us.
So bums really do have the life. And they can change the rules as often as they need to, in order to keep the life. Who knows if you will belong to the same bum tomorrow or not.
And bums also get to become world class travelers. They care about the peoples of the world so very much, you know. These folks tend to have more colorful pants, and they are cheaper, so our bums want them. Well of course they do, their own constituents don't have pants any longer...they're na-e-ck-e-e-ad!
Bums are treated very special. They like to eat well. They like to be invited to nice meals. Now, let's face it, if you have no pants, you really can't take your bum to a nice restaurant. Most restaurants require shoes at the very least. And nice restaurants require a jacket and tie as well. So these restaurants wouldn't appreciate a clientele with their tushies exposed. So unless you can figure out how to get new pants that the bums won't take, and cover up those privates, you get bupkis.
Yes it's true, bums have great perks.
But like we've already established, there is the periodic call to throw the bums out. By that we generally mean, 'your' bums not 'our' bums. We may have no pants at all, thanks to our bums, but they're our bums and we're keeping them.
Does this fig leaf make me look fat?

Throw the Bums Out T-shirts are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

Shop early for Christmas gifts. Funny bowling t-shirts and political t-shirts make fun gifts.