The Institute for Profunditilogical Thought

Evolution?
The Institute for Profunditilogical Thought, has just released its latest position paper. The council has thought about this situation deeply, with great intensity, since this is such a sensitive subject. Without wishing to offend anyone of delicate constitution, it has published its most insightful thought yet. Position Paper # 7, "Apes Were Once People", may come as a shock to some, but the Institute has suspected it for years. But it took the expertise of the most renown thinker of profundities, Prof. D. Volution, to put the pieces of this illusive puzzle together. He has spent years studying many people. Some of them were even members of his own family. Once they were vibrant, lovely human beings. And now...now they are not. Are they human? We don't know. What happened? We don't know that either. While we are not sure 'how' it happened (Prof. D. Volution will surely get to the bottom of it in time), we do know that they are clearly devolving. Prof. D. has gathered the top scientists around him to study this startling discovery. Now these scientists are no slouches. Some have even won Nobel Prizes, and we all know that you have to be very important to win one of those. And just like scientists, they have put years into trying to prove it wrong...but failed. The scientists all sadly agree, it's true. It's true.
Now, of course, they are very suspicious of a cover up. The evidence was so obvious, one must ask oneself, "Why didn't I see this before? Has the government had a hand covering this up?" They do excel in cover-ups after all. (Hmmm...now if they lied to us about such an important matter as evolution, what else is the government hiding? Hmmm...)
But the scientists had to admit fault in the end. They all saw the signs. They were all around them. But they turned a blind eye to them. People left and right, were clearly devolving. Even some of the scientists on the project were lost to this condition. Where will it stop? Apes today, but what about tomorrow? It is a frightening thought, one that you don't want to think too deeply on.
This is why scientists have never been able to come up with the missing link. They were looking at the process backwards. But now Professor D. Volution has solved the puzzle. Hopefully he will find out why this is happening before it happens to him, or at the very least, before the next election.
This really does explain a lot about our government. What do we know about these 'people' anyway?
Why haven't we noticed this before?

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Attack of the Pinheads: A bowler's worst nightmare

It was late. The game was almost over...almost.
The Pinheads had just about enough. They had one ball too many thrown at them. They had too many names yelled at them. No matter what they did, it just wasn't good enough. Now was the time for action. They would stage a revolt. They would demand their rights. They would resist the pressure to play ball. They would no longer roll over for just anybody. They were mad and they weren't going to take this lying down.
"Strike! You want a strike, Ball Boy? We're on strike!"
"We're not going down this time!"
"Let's see how you do with a little resistance!"
Well, you could tell that the bowlers were stymied. They were never spoken to that way before, at least not by Pinheads. Sure, there was always some friction. But now, now they had completely lost control. Their center of gravity had shifted. This couldn't be good. They would now have to watch their backs. The dark alleys were never going to be the same again. There would be grippers lurking in those graveyards, and they would not be the usual suspects. There would now be a new definition of a 'heavy hit'. There would be no more cheater balls, only cheater pins. The Pinheads would be the only crankers now.
The bowlers were now in deep doodoo and they knew it. Their balls would be D.O.A. They would be hammered.
Yes, a new day was dawning.
The revolution had begun.
The Pinheads have attacked.
And the lights went out.
What will become of us now?

Attack of the Pinheads T-shirts are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

The Pinhead's Revenge

It was a dark and stormy night. But it was about to get much darker. The Pinheads were mad.
They have been screamed at, called nasty names, and had heavy objects thrown at them. They have been assaulted once too often. They were simply exhausted. Exhausted, but mad as hell! Their anger had given them amazing strength and determination. This dark alley is no place for wimps, you know. And besides, it is THEIR DARK ALLEY!!! Beware of dark alleys!
Well, they needed more skills than running and hiding, or rolling over and playing dead, for that matter. They wised up. They got more training. That's right, they got weaponized to the teeth with really big guns (and a few knives). And this boy knows how to use his big gun. "Bring it on Ball Boy!" There is nothing worse than Pinheads with weapons of mass destruction. This boy and his little band of terrorists had no other recourse. Yes, tonight is about to get darker and stormier, because tonight the Pinheads take their revenge. And everyone knows, that revenge is sweetest at night, in a dark alley.
But be warned...
Best not to enter their alley unarmed.
Best to beware of dark alleys altogether.

The Pinhead's Revenge T-shirts are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

Mr. Frank N. Stein Gets Help

Halloween is right around the corner. And who better to check on than Mr. Frank N. Stein himself. He feels that he has been greatly misunderstood. Well now, we all could relate to that. Life is hard and being called names all the time can wound the spirit fatally. Just imagine what it is like, every time someone, anyone, sees you, that they scream bloody murder. What would you think? "Goodness, is it me?" "Do my clothes match?" "Is my breath fresh?" "Maybe they don't like the color of my skin."
And then they call you a monster. A monster! Why, you don't even know these people. Who do they think they are? Is that what their parents taught them? Well, in any case, it was time for him to talk about it. Hopefully Dr. I. L. Shrinku will be able to give him some peace. He's been treating monsters just like Mr. Stein for many years. Most of his patients have gone on to live normal lives right in the mist of the screaming. Many of his patients are politicians. Really. Dr. I. L. Shrinku has taught them skills which have enabled them to continue on despite their monstrous condition. "See," he tells Mr. Stein, "being a monster has never stopped anyone from living a fulfilling life. Even politicians can live with this condition all of their lives and can still go on to screw up the country. So there's no need to lose hope."
Maybe Mr. Stein will finally find peace.

Frankenstein T-shirts are available at The Smokin' Frog T-Shirts and Gifts.

Shop early for Christmas gifts. Funny bowling t-shirts and evolution t-shirts make fun gifts.

Emails Suggestions For The Next Time:
• Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
• Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?