Some Predictions For 2009
January 01, 2009

-January 20 is fast approaching and I fully expect the waters to part as Obama is sworn in.
-All misery will end.
-Our gas tanks will all be on auto-fill. A true miracle.
-All mortgages will be paid by Obama, our new benevolent gardener of the National Money Tree.
-All people everywhere will have a house to live in, because they should have one.
-All credit card debt will be forgiven, because it's such a pain to have to pay so much money to other people. Everyone should chip in and help out those poor souls that just have to buy everything they see. It must be such a burden to have to live with such a terrible disorder.
-The sick will be healed, unless you are a burden to society, like babies, the elderly, and invalids. You don't want to be selfish do you? Socialism is really smart this way. They don't waste a lot of money on people that are going to die anyway. And you know how babies can really disrupt ones lifestyle, not to mention the elderly, and forget about those Down syndrome babies.
-Peace will come to the Middle East because the Islamic terrorist nations will push Israel into the Mediterranean Sea.
-All dissent of Obama will cease because we have 'Free Speech'. You heard me.
-Destroying the reputation of Sarah Palin will be continued and accepted with glee, as well as taught. It will even be given its own National Holiday.
-Meanies will be reported and eliminated. It's not cool to be mean. Everyone knows Conservatives are real mean.
-The media air ways will proclaim, "Joy to the world, Obama has come." As well as "You better not pout, you better not cry, Obama has come to town, so we must not ask why." Just obey.
-Rush, of course, will be outlawed.
-Finally the leftist media will have the perpetual, orgasmic thrill from the shivers running up their legs, that they have waited so long for. Chris Matthews already got his, and he says its real good. His friends can't wait for theirs.
-There will be a National Obama Flattery Award created for our truly informative left wing media.
-No one will ever speak again of, or notice Obama's naitiveté, immaturity, arrogance, ineptitude, his complete lack of knowledge of any acquaintance in his life, how often he goes to church, if there is a pastor speaking or not, and whether or not he has been, for all of his adult life, espousing Marxism.
-Peace and love will finally come to us because Admahdinejad really did only want to sit down and have tea with us after all. The EvilBush prevented that monumental good will event from occurring. Since Obama likes tea as well, and really doesn't eat much more than biscuits, this will be scheduled quickly following the Inauguration. A truly splendiferous moment it will be. Maybe the terrorists will finally like us.
-Now that the Presidency can be bought and qualifications are unimportant, all offices that are open will now, without guilt, be given to unqualified, rich people that can, you know, barely speak. So surely we can count on Caroline Kennedy to be, like, the next, you know, Senator from New York. Everyone will, you know, understand that.
-Soros will continue to bash America and Obama supporters will continue to agree with him. He will continue to pay lots of money to destroy America. And America deserves it, because Obama thinks we are selfish, and we all know what his Pastor thinks of America. Something about, we should all be damned, as I recall.
-Refusing higher taxes will leave one an outcast in society, since it is very selfish of anyone to want to make money and provide for their families. That will now be the government's job.
-Celebrities will continue to show how much they care about bugs, and whales and drought, by holding fund raisers. This way they can care about their causes with your money instead of theirs.
-Our government will continue their fund raisers also. But they call them bailouts, some have selfishly called them heists. And they are only given to the very rich and powerful. The Lemmings involved with Bernie Madfoff will be receiving their money back by the end of January. You don't want these people to suffer do you? Of course not, that would be mean, and meanies have been outlawed.
-Obama will need all of our support to finance his coming Utopia so more fundraisers will be staged by the government. Generous contributions will be required voluntarily, by force if necessary, which it will be.
-Obama will declare himself, 'cool'. And everyone will agree. Bush was not cool, since the orgasmic intelligentia of the left has identified him as the devil.
-Since drilling for oil at home would help America, we will not drill for oil. The fact that it is in such abundance that it is leaking out of the ocean off the shore of Caleeiifooorrnya, makes no difference at all.
-Joe Biden will still not make any sense in the new year, why start now just because he is going to be Vice President. And he will still acquire a lot of his gibberish from other writers.
-Blagojevich will also continue to be associated with the devil because he is giving the messiah such a hard time.
-Blagojevich will continue to make Conservatives laugh because he is giving the messiah such a hard time.
-People that voted for Obama will continue to feel their way through life, never being troubled by distracting road blocks. You know, things like...thoughts.
-President Obama and his wife will continue to reprimand the public for not being like them.
-President Obama will continue to redefine Christianity. Since we are already clear on the fact, that Jesus was a community organizer and a social worker, rather than a Savior to save us from our sins, it won't be long before the enrollment numbers start rising, as atheists feel very safe in the new nonthreatening environment of the Christian Community Centers of America (formally known as Churches, but that name had real bad connotations).
-Obama will declare that the massive snowfalls and the continuing cooling of the earth are proof of global warming.
-Al Gore will get his own national holiday too. He will be remembered for his two greatest inventions, the internet and global warming. School children will be urged to make special projects in commemoration of Creative Al every year.
-We will continue to send zillions of dollars into space at the same time as the government continues to rape our savings.
-By the end of the year, no one will be able to find Bernie Madoff. It will be suspected that he is buried under one of the new Obama road works project, maybe in the cement of a bridge footing. But no one will care enough to investigate.
-Obama turns out to be a typical politician. And many on the left will have massive coronaries all at once.
Happy New Year!

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